Baked “Breaded” Cauliflower

Birthdays are like wineglasses. They both give people positive assumptions.

Allow me to explain: Have you ever drank soda out of a wine glass? It tastes better than in a can or cup. There’s something about fingering the stem and sipping delicately as if you are at some extravagant affair, even if you may be alone in your kitchen. Any liquid becomes fancy in a wine glass. Pour in some juice and fizzy water, and they call it a Shirley Temple.

Even plain water can become more enticing. While I was working as a copywriting intern, there was a fellow writer named Billy who sat across from in the open concept office. He usually sat with a glass of water to keep him hydrated as he worked, an excellent strategy for anyone who doesn’t drink enough during the day. Once he sat with a clear wine glass in his hand.

“Billy, are you… okay?” I ask.

“There were no more regular glasses left, ” he explained.

I assured him it looked very posh, and we continued our work. A few minutes later, the other intern passed by, clapped him on the shoulder, and said with a grin, “Hey, you having a hard day?”

Oh, wineglasses, and the misconceptions they bring.

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Birthdays can also be natural enhancers. Food tastes better, the sun is brighter, and every fortunate event is tributed to this happy date. A favorite band coming to town? It’s because of your birthday. An expensive store has a sale? All due to your birthday. Free parking? It’s your birthday. The stars align? They know it’s your birthday. You enjoy automatic shotgun, first picks, and cake because birthday calories don’t count, right? Right?

As much as birthdays can be positive, they are also disappointing. You wake up with a head cold? That’s awful for your birthday. A driver cuts you off? Man, it’s your birthday. It’s raining? The weather should have considered your birthday. Somebody interrupts you? How rude, it’s your birthday. Everything minor negative action or event is suddenly a catastrophe because years of experience has not taught us to lower birthday expectations.

If you’d think about it, there is no reason for you to expect the royal treatment. You did nothing the day you were born except cry, sleep, and excrete. So stop thinking the world will bend on your special day and focus on the people who did all the work to make you exist, your parents and doctors. Remember to give special attention to your mother who endured through nine months of cumulative physical distress to make you alive. Show some respect! You should be baking her a cake, not vice versa!

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With all of this talk of birthdays, I’d bet you’d expect a cake or cupcake recipe, but the title and photographs depict this is not the case.

So why “Breaded” Cauliflower? Because I’m the Creative Palate and I think outside the box. Meaning that I was wondering what to write about in this blog and I decided that breadcrumb coatings enhance foods from plain to delicious. Think schnitzel, French fries, fish sticks, onion rings, all nice and healthy. These foods are traditionally deep-fried, but baking is an alternative method that uses a fraction of the oil and still tastes incredible if done right. Since breadcrumbs improve foods, I began thinking about how wine glasses enhance any drinks. Plus my birthday just passed, therefore concluding that birthdays do the same. Happy birthday to me, and I had a wonderful time, thank you for asking.

In this recipe, I substituted the classic breadcrumb coating for crushed almonds, so their delicious flavor enhances the cauliflower while creating a simple method that is perfect for people with food intolerances or health consciousness. Watch out since these can become addictive, but at least it’s a vegetable.

Happy birthday! Now have some cauliflower.

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Baked “Breaded” Cauliflower

Ingredients:

  • 3 cups of cauliflower florets
  • 2 cups almonds
  • 2 tsp oregano
  • 2 tsp onion powder
  • 1 tsp salt
  • 2-3 eggs

Directions:

  1. Preheat the oven to 400 degrees.
  2. Pulse the almonds until finely ground. Do not blend unless you want almond butter!
  3. Add the spices and pulse until combined
  4. Crack the eggs into a shallow dish and whisk until smooth.
  5. Dip the cauliflower into eggs and then in the almond mixture and set on a lined baking sheet.
  6. Bake for about 20 minutes until the cauliflower is easily pierced with a fork and looks slightly crispy on the outside.

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