They say traveling is stressful. I disagree. I think airports are stressful. Sitting on a plane, trying to get comfortable, eating bland food, and finding ways to entertain yourself won’t induce anxiety (unless you are claustrophobic.) It’s the airports with their austere atmosphere, grim-faced personnel, and unintelligible voice over the loudspeaker.
Here are the 12 stages of the traveling by air and why you should just stay home.
Stage 1: The Goodbye
If you are leaving for an extended period of time, the goodbye is essential. You come to the airport, haul your luggage out of the truck, and your sendoff committee comes out of the car. There’s the one who hates public affection and gives a very tense hug, the one in tears, and the one taking pictures, and the one saying, “You have your ticket? Your passport? Are you sure?”
Stage 2: The Confusion
Once the sendoff committee departs, you are left wondering how you are going to manage all of your luggage. Oh, there’s trollies; that helps. Finally, you enter the airport, look around, and realize you have no idea where to go. Yet everyone else is passing you in their clicking heels and ironed suits, so you begin walking with feigns confidence. No matter where you are walking, the confidence in the key. Then you swallow your pride and ask a worker where to go.
Stage 3: The Interrogation
- “Where are you going?”
- “For how long?”
- “Where do you live?”
- “Who packed this bag?”
- “Did anyone give you anything to deliver?”
- “Will you surrender your first born child?”
Stage 4: The Line
Now your baggage is checked, but you are not. So you stand in line with your carry-ons to go through security. You spend the time staring at the people around you, spacing out, and wishing the line isn’t so long. When there are only three people ahead of you, you realize there is a water bottle in your backpack! Let the chugging begin!
Stage 5: The Scrutiny
You set your carry-on luggage in bins, followed by your coat and your shoes. The shoes, because they want you to feel stupid, not because you might be hiding a rocket launcher in them.
“Come through here!”
It is time for the moment of truth. Are you a terrorist or not? You walk through the metal detector trying to play it cool, but pleading inside, don’t beep, please don’t beep.
“Come to the side please.”
But I didn’t do anything!
They find your metal watch. Then you are free to go.
You stuff your feet back in shoes, coat flying, and walk away with as much dignity you can muster.
Stage 6: More Lines
Stage 7: Border Control
You digitally check off your declaration, and the machine takes a picture that makes you look like a serial killer. Seriously, are they trying to incriminate you?
Stage 8: Even more Lines
Stage 9: Declaration of Independence
You how the guard in the booth your passport and declaration with your serial killer photo. If he’s bored, he will wave you through. If he suspects you or he feels like he didn’t interrogate anyone for too long, he will drill you about where you are going, staying, coming, who, what, when, where, why, how, and for how long. Then you are free to go.
Stage 10: The Wait
Freedom! You find your gate, take a seat, and relax. Then you check the time. You have a forty-five-minute wait. Wonderful. Let’s go purchase an overpriced water bottle to replace the one you chugged and expensive chocolate bar because there are no healthy food options available. Then it’s time to board.
Stage 11: The Last Line
Stage 12: Enjoy the Ride
You find your seat and it’s a window, yay! They play a video that nobody cares to watch but watches anyway because there’s nothing better to do. You have a moment of fear: What if the plane crashes over water? What if there’s no oxygen?
Then it’s time for takeoff. The scenery is so beautiful, the stressful airport seems almost worth it. Almost. But not really.
In short, just stay home. Make a tea, have a bowl of soup and just relax. However, traveling is often unavoidable and something we do almost every day for business, appointments, or social functions. Here’s where the crock pot comes in: You can still travel and eat your soup too.
This hearty pea soup recipe is what the body needs to relax and detox after a stressful day on the road or in the air. You throw the ingredients into the crock pot before you go, set it on high for 6-7 hours or low for 8-10, depending on long you will be gone, and you have a hot, delicious soup to look forward to after your rough trip. It’s that easy.
Vegetarian Crock Pot Pea Soup
- 2 cups dried split green peas, rinsed well
- 4-6 cloves of garlic, chopped (depending on taste preference)
- 2 medium onions, chopped finely
- 2 tbsp olive oil
- 8 cups water
- 1 sweet potato, diced
- 1 tsp salt
- pinch of pepper
Simply add all ingredients into the crock pot and let cook for about 6-7 hours on high or 8-10 on low. Stir and adjust seasonings to taste.